Monday, July 23, 2012

Little Yellow Butterfly

Almost all of us have suffered a loss ... the loss of a loved one. While I had suffered many losses in the past, they weren't really my losses but my husband's - his dad, his aunt, his ... family members. So yes, while I was touched by the losses, I don't think I ever truly understood them

UNTIL we lost our youngest son. Then the loss truly became MY LOSS too. And when the loss of a loved one becomes your loss, you learn to really look at life in a different way.

I'm going to be honest and tell you right now that I wasn't one, even in my childhood, to collect butterflies or really enjoy them to the fullest. Yes, living in the country, we always had countless butterflies fluttering around but I don't think I really paid attention to them as I know some people do. I do remember telling my children, when they saw a butterfly, that it was their papa visiting from his heavenly home but that was really the extent of my butterfly story .... until now ....

After our youngest son's death, I learned to fully appreciate the "little" things in life. The birds singing, the flowers blooming, the leaves changing colors and on and on I could list all the little blessings in my life. But I'm only going to talk about one of those blessings today - my little yellow butterfly. Last year, after I planted my garden (which didn't really bear a whole lot of harvest), my youngest son and I sat on our swing and talked. We talked about many things, but one of the things, we talked about was the garden. He wanted to help with it and maybe we should make plans for a bigger garden ... I should add more plants - pumpkins, watermelon, sweet corn and so on. Unfortunately the garden planted last summer didn't give us very many harvest blessings .... Mike passed away in October (2011) and honestly, planting a garden (in spring 2012) was the farthest thing from my mind at that time.

Spring rolled around and I decided to move the garden, hoping that maybe I would get at least a tiny bit of harvest ... :0) Of course, I planted the "usual" seeds - tomatoes and green peppers along with some cucumbers (that literally died last year and never came to harvest), zucchini, radishes, a few others. In honor of my youngest son and our talked, I also planted PUMPKINS. No, Mike won't be able to enjoy our harvest of pumpkins, if we have one, but I thought that maybe if the pumpkins did grow, all the grandkids and Maddie would be able to enjoy them and I could tell the story of why they were planted in the first place.

This garden has become "my place" to talk to God, listen to God and think about all the beautiful memories made with my youngest son. I, sometimes, spend a lot of time in my garden - weeding, watering, looking for new harvest, etc.

AND here's where that Little Yellow Butterfly comes into the story ... I have a visitor to my garden - a little yellow butterfly. On most days, my little visitor flutters around my garden, following me. I have decided that it's my gift from God - my little yellow butterfly is Mike's presence, letting me know that he's okay and in God's hands now. On the days when I am missing my youngest son the most and feeling sad, I can almost always be guaranteed to see my Little Yellow Butterfly and NOT just in my garden ...

Why do I saw ALMOST always?? Because sometimes, I think we (including me) forget to look for ALL the BLESSINGS around us - given to us by our Heavenly Father. And it's on those days, that my little yellow butterfly probably visits me ... I just haven't noticed.

Of course, I am posting this story to my blog because I have a few more stories to share about my Little Yellow Butterfly ... but for now, I just wanted to give you the beginning of my story so that when I mention my Little Yellow Butterfly, you'll understand just how much "he" means to me ♥ ♥ 

Country FarmHouse Blessings,
~*~ Lori ~*~
 Purdy Mama 


Dolly Norris Hooker said...

This is beautiful, Lori! I'm so thankful God is allowing you to see all the beauty in the midst of your heartbreak.

Hugs & love to you, my friend!

Shirley said...

Beautiful...i believe Butterfly's have alot to do with aloss of a loved one...some kind of a sign from them...did not feel that way tll my neice passed away 2 yrs ago and we all feel it now...she also had a garden started befor she passed away and had pumpkins that fall and sun flowers...her mama keeps it going,it is her place.xoxox

Lori ~*~ Country FarmHouse Purdy Mama said...

Thank you, Dolly ... I hope that my story inspires someone else who may be led into a similar God-given journey.

And Shirley, I am so sorry for the loss of your niece. I also planted sunflowers this year, my goal is to someday have acres of sunflowers, pumpkins and wheat along with my garden.

Kathy said...

Oh Lori...
I hope you find that butterfly each and every time you need to see it.
You are such a wonderful person, you have the grace like know other person I know of. I loved to read this, and can't wait to read more.
Sending you love and light today, xo

Lori ~*~ Country FarmHouse Purdy Mama said...

Thank you so much Kathy ... you brought tears to my eyes. You are such a blessing ... thank you!

Catty Wampus said...

I see blessings like this as well as a sign from my son and my Dad, my two bulldog boys; I have a hummingbird and other birds as well as a butterfly so I truly believe there has to be something more. Most days I cling to this thought to keep me going. Thanks for sharing your journey, it helps us all deal with the losses in our own lives. Merrie

Lori ~*~ Country FarmHouse Purdy Mama said...

{{{HUGS}}} Merrie ... I am very sorry for your loss, amazing how friendships are made through the most difficult trials in our life. Thank you for being my friend. And I also have a bird story that I will share at some point but for now, the butterfly continues to flutter all around me and I am thankful that God gives me these special times. And I am thankful that He also allows you these special signs to help with your pain.

Morning Glory Vintage Prims said...

Lori, Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can relate all to well on how you feel. If you have visited my blog, I am sure you have noticed a butterfly on my header. That was added there for the memory of my sister that I lost in 2007. She loved butterflies. I planted a rose bush in her memory and I see a butterfly out there almost everyday when I go to my little garden. It gives me comfort knowing she is with our Lord and I know she is with me too. Have a blessed day my friend.

Lori Homeyer said...

Dena ~ I did notice your butterfly - what a beautiful precious memory. I also planted a rose bush but not sure if it'll make it or not (because of this drought we are having) but it doesn't matter as I've had a few "blooms" from it already. And next year, it's another season, I can always plant another one. You too, have a blessed day!! {{{tender hugs}}} to you

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