Little Yellow Butterfly

Almost all of us have suffered a loss ... the loss of a loved one. While I had suffered many losses in the past, they weren't really my losses but my husband's - his dad, his aunt, his ... family members. So yes, while I was touched by the losses, I don't think I ever truly understood them

UNTIL we lost our youngest son. Then the loss truly became MY LOSS too. And when the loss of a loved one becomes your loss, you learn to really look at life in a different way.

I'm going to be honest and tell you right now that I wasn't one, even in my childhood, to collect butterflies or really enjoy them to the fullest. Yes, living in the country, we always had countless butterflies fluttering around but I don't think I really paid attention to them as I know some people do. I do remember telling my children, when they saw a butterfly, that it was their papa visiting from his heavenly home but that was really the extent of my butterfly story .... until now ....

After our youngest son's death, I learned to fully appreciate the "little" things in life. The birds singing, the flowers blooming, the leaves changing colors and on and on I could list all the little blessings in my life. But I'm only going to talk about one of those blessings today - my little yellow butterfly. Last year, after I planted my garden (which didn't really bear a whole lot of harvest), my youngest son and I sat on our swing and talked. We talked about many things, but one of the things, we talked about was the garden. He wanted to help with it and maybe we should make plans for a bigger garden ... I should add more plants - pumpkins, watermelon, sweet corn and so on. Unfortunately the garden planted last summer didn't give us very many harvest blessings .... Mike passed away in October (2011) and honestly, planting a garden (in spring 2012) was the farthest thing from my mind at that time.

Spring rolled around and I decided to move the garden, hoping that maybe I would get at least a tiny bit of harvest ... :0) Of course, I planted the "usual" seeds - tomatoes and green peppers along with some cucumbers (that literally died last year and never came to harvest), zucchini, radishes, a few others. In honor of my youngest son and our talked, I also planted PUMPKINS. No, Mike won't be able to enjoy our harvest of pumpkins, if we have one, but I thought that maybe if the pumpkins did grow, all the grandkids and Maddie would be able to enjoy them and I could tell the story of why they were planted in the first place.

This garden has become "my place" to talk to God, listen to God and think about all the beautiful memories made with my youngest son. I, sometimes, spend a lot of time in my garden - weeding, watering, looking for new harvest, etc.

AND here's where that Little Yellow Butterfly comes into the story ... I have a visitor to my garden - a little yellow butterfly. On most days, my little visitor flutters around my garden, following me. I have decided that it's my gift from God - my little yellow butterfly is Mike's presence, letting me know that he's okay and in God's hands now. On the days when I am missing my youngest son the most and feeling sad, I can almost always be guaranteed to see my Little Yellow Butterfly and NOT just in my garden ...

Why do I saw ALMOST always?? Because sometimes, I think we (including me) forget to look for ALL the BLESSINGS around us - given to us by our Heavenly Father. And it's on those days, that my little yellow butterfly probably visits me ... I just haven't noticed.

Of course, I am posting this story to my blog because I have a few more stories to share about my Little Yellow Butterfly ... but for now, I just wanted to give you the beginning of my story so that when I mention my Little Yellow Butterfly, you'll understand just how much "he" means to me ♥ ♥ ♥


Country FarmHouse Blessings,
~*~ Lori ~*~
♥ Purdy Mama ♥

Just to see your smile ....

One more time. This has been one of the toughest weeks of my life - it is only with God's strength that I've been able to get through it. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV) And that's what I've been trying to do. I try not to look ahead, to remember to live in each MOMent and in each day as it is given. 

I remember when Thanksgiving was here - just get through today, don't look ahead to Christmas. And then it was Easter. Mother's Day. Special Olympics. Father's Day. Well, tomorrow would have been Mike's birthday. He would have turned 24 years old. Again, I am not trying to look ahead but tomorrow I am going to spend the day with my husband and the rest of the family.

My pregnancy with Mike was difficult, actually all of my pregnancies were difficult. I don't carry babies to term - our oldest son was 6 weeks early and our oldest daughter was 10 weeks early. When I was pregnant with Mike, he also tried to come early (10 weeks early) and I was hospitalized for 8 of those weeks. Can you imagine, being in a hospital when you have two toddlers at home? and to think we didn't have internet or facebook, gasp! I read books, did puzzles and once in a great while, watched television - can we say BORED! I enjoyed the time when I had a visitor or two but I was almost an hour away from home (in the opposite direction that most of my family traveled). I spend the last two weeks before you were born at home.

A C-section was scheduled for June 23, it was a Thursday. We planned it that way so hubby could miss the least amount of work :0). I was both nervous and excited - Mike was my first "full term" baby. I was awake during the C-section, just numb from the chest down. When he was born, I remember my first thought was that I could breathe again. I felt like I was going to throw up and they kept trying to put the oxygen mask on me. I didn't want that mask, I just had had these little feet kicking my lungs for so long that I had forgotten how it felt to breathe. *smiles* Mike was the first and only baby that I held right away - it was my one request. What a feeling that was ... indescribable!

Of course, he was the biggest baby that we had, being our only full term one, weighing 8# 5 ozs. Hubby kept saying over and over, what are we going to do?? He's so big. The nurse laughed and said, don't buy newborn clothes. He'll outgrown them before you know it. As any mom will tell you, the day a baby is born - first, second, fifth, tenth - it is the happiest day of her life.

.....

Tomorrow, Mike would have celebrated being 24 years old. While there will be no cake or candles to blow out, I am very thankful that God gave me 23 wonderful years with my youngest son. We made many memories together and as a family - I watched him grow into a man and have 2 babies of his own to care for. These are the MOMents that I will forever cherish.

While this has been the most difficult trial (so far) that I've ever had to go through, God needed another angel. A piece of my heart resides in heaven but I also know that GOD is GREAT and He works out ALL things to His perfect plan. It is with God's strength that I will get through this ... but if I could have just one wish, it would be to see your smile just one more time! 

To my youngest son ... Happy Birthday in Heaven. Michael Emil Homeyer - 6/23/1988 - 10/05/2011 - FOREVER ETCHED in my HEART. Love you and Miss you. Until we meet again .... Love Mom ♥


Country FarmHouse Blessings,
~*~ Lori ~*~
♥ Purdy Mama ♥

What kind of seeds are you planting?

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.” John 4:34-38 (NIV) * What we sow, so shall we reap - it's a saying that we've all heard (sometimes over and over again). Everything we do, everywhere we go, everyone we talk to - we are planting seeds. Hopefully we are planting good seeds and not just by what we say, but by what we are doing and how we are living our lives. As seeds are planted, lives will be touched ♥ My question to you today is "what kind of seeds are you planting?" ♥

Today marks five months since we lost our youngest son, Mike (shown here with his two children). Now I could talk about how sad it is or how difficult some of the MOMents are but instead I want to talk about BLESSINGS. Yes, you read that right - Blessings!

Everyone who has lost a loved one - a child, a parent, a sibling, etc - knows how hard it is. They know all about the difficult times. Let's face it, death is all around us. It's in the newspaper, the internet, the television - it's everywhere and not just in the news. Death is sometimes the feature of a television program or even a book. Losing someone is the hardest thing we will ever endure. Losing a child, well the reality of it, is that it just plain sucks. But I promised I was going to talk about the blessings (and also try to tie all of this with the posted Bible verse).

What we sow, so shall we reap! It is a saying that we've all heard. But have you ever really thought about it. I'm not talking about MONEY. I'm talking about our actions, our words. As most people who have lost a loved one that is exceptionally close to them - a child, a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, etc - you tend to pay more attention to the "little" details all around you. The sun seems to shine brighter. The sky is bluer. The birds sing beautifully. You view dying in a different way. And this list goes on and on. I have found that I have more compassion for others - more now than ever before. I may not always understand or even relate to what others are going through (the difficult trials) but I am always willing to listen.

This weekend, after an amazing dinner out with my husband and youngest daughter, we went to the bookstore. In the bookstore, I found a book by Laura Story. Her song "Blessings" has been such an inspiration to me that finding this book (quite by accident) was not a coincidence. It was God's doing (remember God is always in control). This devotional filled with Bible verses, quotes and even a place for our own thoughts was something that I had to have - just flipping through the book, I knew it was going to be a "blessing". I found my book at Barnes and Noble but you can also purchase it directly from Laura's website.

Now for that blessing I was telling you about. *smiles*

At the checkout counter, the lady said something about the other book I had chosen (a Charles Stanley book). She then proceeded to ring up my "Blessings" Devotional and with tears in her eyes told me that this song was the most beautiful song she had ever heard. I looked at her (with tears in my eyes) and said, "yes, I understand. We just lost our youngest son 5 months ago." She stopped what she was doing, repeated what I had said, looked at me and said "I am so sorry for your loss". After saying thank you, I asked her why the song was so inspirational to her. She proceeded to tell me that her daughter was fighting cancer. (big tears, it's okay, I understand). We talked very briefly but during that time something else she said (yes, this is the blessing part) really touched my heart. She explained that yes, her daughter was battling cancer. But if it was God's will for her to reach her heavenly home, it wasn't because cancer was going to kill her. Or that the chemo was going to take her. It was because God needed another angel with Him in heaven and He would be calling her to her heavenly home (what a blessing). After looking at her (with compassion in my expression), I asked if I could pray for her daughter. She, of course, said yes and said that my son must have fulfilled his plans that God had chosen for him because now he (my son) was resting in the arms of Jesus. WOW! This lady, in all her struggles and in all her trials and difficulties, found a way to turn all those troubles into a blessing for me.

Again, what we sow, we shall reap. It wasn't just her actions, it was her words and the way that she presented them to me. Yes, we all have difficulties - some are so BIG that most of us can't imagine having to walk that path - but even during our most difficult times, someone else might see what we are battling as a blessing. As I grieve for my youngest son (and this is a pain that I do not wish for anyone else), I know that by giving it all to Jesus; depending on God's strength, I can walk this path (not like I have any other choice *smile*) and I can try to make it a blessing to show someone else also. 


The Bible Verse? As I try to sow seeds of blessings and compassion, even during grieving, I found someone else who was walking through a trial that I haven't walked through and with her words, found a blessing that I might not have discovered if I wasn't trying to use the loss of my son as a testimony to others. Coincidence? No. I don't really believe in them. Maybe a miracle in disguise - the "silver lining". I do believe that might be true. As you go through your trials, your grieving (whatever it may be), let God be your guide, use His words to offer comfort to others ... you might just be surprised to find your own "silver lining". Have a Beautiful Blessed Day!

What kind of seeds are you planting today?

Country FarmHouse Blessings,

~*♥*~ Lori ~*♥*~

HeartWarming Reflections ♥ My son, Michael Homeyer

♥ Michael Emil Homeyer - 6/23/1988 - 10/05/2011 ♥

This is my faith story ... God's comfort, peace and strength through my most difficult trial - the day my son passed away and went to be an angel in heaven with his heavenly Father.

On October 5, 2011 at 6:45 pm, my whole life turned upside down. Our youngest son, Mike "Mikey Emil", died at the age of 23 years old. While a piece of my heart is now in heaven, I have decided to share my faith story with you. As this story progresses, I will try to share little insights into my grieving process. I am hoping that by telling my story, it will help me along this path that God has chosen for me and also maybe help someone else who is struggling with a loss.

My first post regarding the lost of my son was written and posted on my personal facebook page, October 6, 2011. 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4 * Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23 ♥ When we mourn, God is there to comfort us. It does not mean we won’t have bad things happen, but it means He will get us through by watching over us and caring for us in ways we don’t even recognize. This is hope to me, and when you hit bottom, you have to have something to hope for. Knowing God’s love is steadfast and unchanging will carry us through many hard times today and in the future. Lord, please comfort my family, my husband, my other children and their families, and also Kaitie, Kacie, Maxx, Katie and Lily and all the other extended family members. We know these days ahead are tough but with Your love, comfort and guidance, we will get through this. Lord, when we see just one set of footprints, we know that You are carrying us. Lord that is my prayer today - just wrap Your loving arms around us, comfort us and carry us. We know, in our hearts, that Mike is with You and that You will care for him and love him as a parent does and we thank you for that peace of mind. In Jesus name, Amen! ♥

Country FarmHouse Blessings,

       ~*♥*~  Lori  ~*♥*~