Friday, June 22, 2012

Just to see your smile ....

One more time. This has been one of the toughest weeks of my life - it is only with God's strength that I've been able to get through it. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV) And that's what I've been trying to do. I try not to look ahead, to remember to live in each MOMent and in each day as it is given. 

I remember when Thanksgiving was here - just get through today, don't look ahead to Christmas. And then it was Easter. Mother's Day. Special Olympics. Father's Day. Well, tomorrow would have been Mike's birthday. He would have turned 24 years old. Again, I am not trying to look ahead but tomorrow I am going to spend the day with my husband and the rest of the family.

My pregnancy with Mike was difficult, actually all of my pregnancies were difficult. I don't carry babies to term - our oldest son was 6 weeks early and our oldest daughter was 10 weeks early. When I was pregnant with Mike, he also tried to come early (10 weeks early) and I was hospitalized for 8 of those weeks. Can you imagine, being in a hospital when you have two toddlers at home? and to think we didn't have internet or facebook, gasp! I read books, did puzzles and once in a great while, watched television - can we say BORED! I enjoyed the time when I had a visitor or two but I was almost an hour away from home (in the opposite direction that most of my family traveled). I spend the last two weeks before you were born at home.

A C-section was scheduled for June 23, it was a Thursday. We planned it that way so hubby could miss the least amount of work :0). I was both nervous and excited - Mike was my first "full term" baby. I was awake during the C-section, just numb from the chest down. When he was born, I remember my first thought was that I could breathe again. I felt like I was going to throw up and they kept trying to put the oxygen mask on me. I didn't want that mask, I just had had these little feet kicking my lungs for so long that I had forgotten how it felt to breathe. *smiles* Mike was the first and only baby that I held right away - it was my one request. What a feeling that was ... indescribable!

Of course, he was the biggest baby that we had, being our only full term one, weighing 8# 5 ozs. Hubby kept saying over and over, what are we going to do?? He's so big. The nurse laughed and said, don't buy newborn clothes. He'll outgrown them before you know it. As any mom will tell you, the day a baby is born - first, second, fifth, tenth - it is the happiest day of her life.

.....

Tomorrow, Mike would have celebrated being 24 years old. While there will be no cake or candles to blow out, I am very thankful that God gave me 23 wonderful years with my youngest son. We made many memories together and as a family - I watched him grow into a man and have 2 babies of his own to care for. These are the MOMents that I will forever cherish.

While this has been the most difficult trial (so far) that I've ever had to go through, God needed another angel. A piece of my heart resides in heaven but I also know that GOD is GREAT and He works out ALL things to His perfect plan. It is with God's strength that I will get through this ... but if I could have just one wish, it would be to see your smile just one more time! 

To my youngest son ... Happy Birthday in Heaven. Michael Emil Homeyer - 6/23/1988 - 10/05/2011 - FOREVER ETCHED in my HEART. Love you and Miss you. Until we meet again .... Love Mom 


Country FarmHouse Blessings,
~*~ Lori ~*~
 Purdy Mama 

4 comments:

Lynda said...

My Sweet, Sweet friend ~ I cry tears as I read your most recent memories about Mike. I know that he is looking down on you and in that infinite way his hand is on your shoulder and he whispers to you "Mom, I am ok ~ I am ok" ... and he is. He is wrapped in the arms of Jesus .. safe and secure.

Much Love,
Lyn xo xo xo

~*~ Lori ~*~ Prim 'n Purdy said...

Thank you, Lynda ... As I tried not to look ahead, I just didn't realize how difficult this day would be. And I know that he's okay ... better than okay ... because he IS in the arms of Jesus!! xoxox ~Lori

Lori @ Katies Rose Cottage Designs said...

Oh precious Lori I am at a loss for words because I cannot imagine the heartache you and your family has had to endure this last year ~
I am so glad that you know Jesus and know that Mike is with Him right now ~ yes happier than he could ever be on earth ~ I am praying for you because our Heavenly Father knows your pain and He is the only one who can give you His peace which is incomparable to anything else ~ I pray that you can be comforted knowing that not only does Jesus have Mike in His arms but you too ~ I pray that you can feel that so very strongly ~

Lots of prayers!
Lori

The Olde Country Shoppe said...

my heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time.... I will be praying for you to hang on to your faith ~ our loving Father will bless you with the strength you need to make it through these times of great sadness. I know I can only imagine how your heart aches for your Mike. But your God loves you so much... He promises that He will not leave you... He will guide you through these uncharted waters. If you find yourself struggling... read His powerful word, cry out to Jesus ~ He will be your rock to hold on to. And as the storm clouds give way, so will the feelings of despair when Jesus is near. May you feel comfort and encouragement like you never imagined. Praying the precious memories of your son bring smiles instead of tears. Praying you'll find strength from those who love you and may you feel the power of many of us who are lifting you in our prayers. Peace and love to you <3

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