Mike, it has been 3 months but it seems like only yesterday. Only yesterday when you were sitting in the living room smiling, playing with your kids, sending me a text or calling "just because" but at the same time it feels like forever has passed. The hurt is so real - a piece of my heart now lives in heaven.
While I know God has given me the strength to keep moving forward and everyday I do feel a little stronger because of Him, I still wonder ... does it ever get easier? Will it always hurt this much? Or will time and prayer, ease some of the pain? Will I cry less and smile even more when I think of you, my youngest son?
I've been told that the first year is the hardest. I don't know if it's true or not, but I do know that Christmas was very hard this year - from Christmas eve church service without him to the balloon launch at the cemetery. Mikey, remember how you used to come over (even after having your kids) very early in the morning - even before I had a chance to shower - so you could open your presents and be with your family??!! Christmas was your favorite holiday and let's just say it was very tough - not just for me but for everyone - your dad, your brother and sisters, your children, the whole family. I try not to think about all of the other "firsts" that we still have to deal with. After all, the Bible tells us not to worry. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 (NIV) and "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 (NIV).
I miss my youngest son very much, but I also know that God is always with me. He will continue to strengthen me and guide me as I move forward - one moment at a time, one day at a time. I believe in His promises and trust in Him. That say that our faith is tested during the difficult times, but we must remember that even during the storms of life, God is planning something good for us. As my faith continues to grow; I know that there is going to be tough moments and hard days, I also know that God is good all the time. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 (NIV).
Mike was a big part of our family but God has a purpose, a plan. My hope and prayer is that the memories are filled with more laughter and that time will ease some of the hurt ... for now, I will depend on God to get me through the hard moments and strive to do what He has planned for me - my new journey; a new chapter in my life.
Mike, I miss you and I love you ... but I thank God for giving me 23 wonderful years filled with so many memories.♥